I'm Into Coke and Needles

It seems I am finally getting some relief from the migraines. It's all about coke and needles.

Okay, more specifically, caffeine and acupuncture.

There's really no way to know what exactly is responsible for the improvement. My OB said I might get better by the 20th week, which is right around the corner. It may be that the regular biofeedback, psychotherapy, and meditation I've been doing are bearing fruit. It could be the result of a general realignment in my thinking and handling of ongoing stress. Or it could be that the Coca-Cola I started consuming is helping deliver enough caffeine to keep the blood vessels in my brain constricted. And it could be the two sessions of acupuncture I've had so far. I just don't know, and at this point, I don't really care.

I've had some bad days still, but over all the past two weeks have been so much better. I start the day with half a can of Coke, and another half at lunch, or I take a quarter of a Vivarin tablet (pure caffeine). The amounts are OB approved, and are far less than two cups of coffee a day. Of course I'd rather not consume any caffeine -- I have never been much of a coffee drinker, and I usually don't have more than a soft drink or two a month, because of all the sugar -- but 50-100 mg of caffeine a day is certainly better than the near-daily tylenol and/or Vicodin I was having to take.

I also had two acupuncture sessions last week. It was a surprisingly pleasant experience. It's not entirely accurate what they say about it being painless -- the insertion of the needles definitely caused some momentary discomfort, especially in areas like my forehead and outer ear -- but after they were in, I couldn't feel them at all. I basically just lay on my side for 25 minutes and listened to some relaxing music. During both sessions, at about the 20 minute mark, I began to feel feelings of joy, like I wanted to laugh for no reason. I also felt a general sense of well-being that lasted long after the session. There was no immediate improvement in the headaches, but over the next few days the pain gradually lessened.

I don't think I am entirely out of the woods. A change in the weather, or a stressful encounter, still can send me to bed with tylenol (and a glass of coke, for good measure). But I was able to return to work part-time this week, something I was beginning to lose hope of entirely. I went out to dinner and a movie with Matthew last week. Even simple things like picking Henry up from school were once too much and now seem like small measures of success. My biggest challenge now seems to be to continue to take care of myself. It is counterintuitive to me to do something purely for pleasure when there are other things that "need" to be done. Now that I have become more aware of this tendency, and of its detrimental impact on my health, I am amazed at my capacity to deny myself joy. The list of things that I should do before I paint my nails or read a book in the middle of the afternoon is astounding. But now I have a prescription to increase endorphins by natural means. So I am making time to exercise again, am watching silly but distracting movies almost every other night, am eating dark chocolate, getting massages from Matthew, and taking time to listen to my heart. If not for myself, at least I can do these things for the baby.

Matthew is at a wedding this afternoon and Henry and I have been reading and doing learning games and napping. We also gambled on the weather and lost. We walked down to the park just in time for a downpour. We took refuge under the slide, sitting in a tiny patch of dryness as we watched the ruts under the swings turn from muddy ponds to brown lakes. We snuggled close and felt the coolness of the late summer rain take over the playground. Then we heard a rumble of thunder and so covered our heads and beat it home in the drizzle. Moments like that are as effective as a shot of morphine. I came home exhausted but so grateful for my little guy and the one coming just around the bend.